m_say_whaat

Ryan's POV Year Later, 2010, Tour Bus.

If there was anything I could do about the excessive moaning going on above me I would. If it was murder, I would have no qualms about committing it. It would be better though, if I could murder the moaners themselves. Luckily, the moaning subsided into little giggles from the girl, and a satisfied sigh from a male. Who would have thought that stupid, scene fake girl could get him off, none the less turn him on. She smells of hair spray, cigarettes, (which I happily light up all the time now) and make-up. I didn't even think make-up had a smell, until I met Audrey Kitching.


“Some people like to sleep at 2 in the morning.” I heard Spencer say, from next to me.
“Then sleep.” Audrey said.
“Strange, I woke up to a girl moaning, may be the reason for my lack of sleep.” Jon said.
I heard Brendon groan in irritation, “Guys for once can you all shut up and get along?”
Audrey giggles again, “Or you could just be like Ryan and not talk.”
“It's because I don't speak your language, whore.” I said.
“Ry…” Brendon started to say, but I got up and went into the back lounge to plop myself on the larger bed. I didn't bother going, or well attempting to go to sleep.


I pulled out a cigarette and opened the small window and lit up. The cold air of Chicago blew in. I shivered, but had no intentions of moving or getting a hoodie. That was a horrible insult to Audrey. Not saying it was mean, but on my part, I could have come up with something better than that.


The door opened and I already knew it was Jon, because it's always Jon. He comes in and talks to me, tries to tell me just to get over him. I tell him every night that my heart belongs to him, forever and always.

“He hates when you smoke on the bus. Come to think of it, he hates that you smoke at all.”
I made the point of taking an extra long drag, “His girlfriend smokes.”

“That's true. Do you plan on sleeping tonight?” He asked, coming to sit down next to me.
“There's a good possibility that the answer to that is no.” I said taking another drag.
“Ryan, “He groaned just as Brendon did before, “It's been a year; more than a year. It's time for you to think about what he's doing to you. You're a small boy to begin with, what do you weigh now? 100 pounds? Do you plan on eating today?”
“106,” I mumbled “do you remember when I ate last?” I asked him.
“Three days ago.” He sounded…so sad.
“It's funny, so fucking funny, that he doesn't even see how I'm withering away to nothing. He just doesn't know how fucking head over heels in love with him I am.” I said with a sigh.
“He does know Ry, and he has that knowledge in the back of his head, or heart whatever, but he does know. So when the time comes that Audrey and him break up, and that time will come, he knows your there for him. You're basically like his back-up plan,” Jon said putting his arm around my shoulders and softly laying me down. “But I guess to him that's love.”
“BULLSHIT!” I spat out, “He can't love, and he is a fucking whore.”
“I know Ryan. Brendon just doesn't understand that he's hurting someone else other then himself by being with her.” Jon said.
I sighed and lit up another cigarette which Jon took from me and put out. “No Ryan, not tonight.”
“Do you suppose he's happy?”

He didn't answer for awhile. I could hear his shallow breathing and the sounds from outside. I could hear hushed whispers from the bunks, and I tried not to care. I kept waiting for Jon to answer. When he never did, I took it as yes.

“I can tell you he's happy that you haven't had a successful relationship since him. I can also tell you that once he figures out you won't wait forever for him, he’ll be miserable.”
“I'll wait until the end of time for him.” I muttered.
“That, Ryan Ross is a big mistake.”

The week I had, coupled with no sleep, the toll the shows were taking, were finally catching up to me. I slowly fell into a serene slumber.


The bus the next morning.

“Jon, I hate waking up without you there.”

I could hear Spencer whispering to Jon.

“Spen, I …” Jon started to say, but Spencer cut him off.
“Baby, I get it and I understand. Someone needs to make sure he's okay.”
“Ssshh… don't tell Jon or Spencer this, but I can totally hear their conversation because their whispering sounds like this.” I said normally from my seat on the couch.
“Sorry.” Jon laughed.
“Love you Ry.” Spencer told me and came and sat down next to me and kissed my temple.
“Ugh… ew, stop.” I muttered, but more or less laughed. The laughter dissipated as soon as I saw Brendon and his (whore) girlfriend walking in.

Have you ever had that feeling when you walk into a room and everyone just stops talking and looks at you? You know how you find a corner to go hide in and wonder what you did to have everyone talking about it? Why doesn't Brendon, know that rule?

“God, I never knew sex was a new perfume.” Jon said a little loud.

I chuckled a little and Audrey shot me a dirty look, “Oh Jon, if you keep defending Ryan, how is he ever going to move on?”
I stopped and looked at Brendon to see his reaction. Brendon's eyes caught mine and they were shocked. “Audrey, I don't think that's very nice.” He said after he stopped staring at me.

“Baby, Ryan mopes around here like a puppy that's been kicked, he needs to know he has to move on,” Audrey floated to Brendon’s side and kissed him.
“Maybe I'm over him, and I just hate you.” I suggested.
“Then leave.” She said.
“My band.”
“My boyfriend.”
“Well I fucked him first.” Jon piped up from the little table we had.
We all turned our heads and looked at him, “Point?” Audrey asked.
“I just wanted to voice something.”
“Mmm, hey Audrey, what does Brendon say to you before he hangs up the phone?” I asked.
“Uhm ‘bye’…why are you asking?”
“When has he ever said `I love you'?” I asked her.

She knew I won, she knew there has never been I love's you exchanged and she knew that was my only ammunition, because Brendon admitted to loving me once, even if it was fake.

Brendon had his head down and was shifting uneasily from foot to foot. The silence on the bus was almost unbearable. A tour bus full of rock stars should never be that quiet. Everyone else knew the answer as well. They have been together for over 13 months and have never shared an ‘I love you’.

“Wow Brendon, that's really astonishing. I think that dear Audrey deserves some answers.” I said “I thought you were in love.”
“Well, I don't love you; I really like you a lot Audrey.” Brendon tells her.
“Baby, I'll give you all the time in the world.” Audrey cooed and kissed him on the lips.

I got up, turned hard on my heels and walked out of the bus door. I was thanking god that moment that Will was on The Academy bus. I needed him. I walked over to their bus and didn't bother knocking.

Everyone, but Will was in the front lounge. They all looked up and pointed to the bunks. I gave them a thank you and climbed into his bunk.

He shifted his weight and curled into my small frame and kissed the back of my neck.

“Ry-Ry, I think you may need to start eating again.” He murmured sleepily.
“I eat.”
“What, on Saturdays?” He asked.
“I don't get how he can like her.”
“I know you can't, because you love him, but Ryan you're not healthy.” Will said slightly more awake.
“Will, how did you get over Gabe?”
“Easy. I saw how happy he was with Callie.”
“Brendon isn't happy with Audrey” I sighed.
“We all know it; we all know a time when Brendon was happy.”
“Yeah, senior year of high school.” I mumbled trying not to fall asleep.
“Yup! And then both of our bands got signed, well me before you.” He said with a laugh.
“She didn't even notice him in high school, this band was the reason she cared.”
“Oh… I was just saying that we still get to be together.”
“Mmm.” I mumbled again.
“Go to sleep Ry-Ry.” I heard him say
“I love him and nothing will change that.” I mumbled before succumbing to sleep

A/N: So here it is! So I could say some of you were a little angered on how the last part ended huh? Well hopefully this story makes it all better.